Barrister Banter Fan Gifts

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

Trial by Media

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

I love Lawyers

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Bailiff."

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."