Barrister Banter Fan Prints

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

Trial by Media

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

Annual run-off at the mouth.

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

I love Lawyers

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Barristers

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

'We've got a special this week on nose hairs!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

Law School teacher.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."