Barre Beginner Gifts

Treble

Bench Press Accident

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'I made a hundred on the Spanish test. Gracias.'

'That's hydroplaning for ya.'

Weight lifter using his foot to take a photograph.

'Somebody's got to be kidding,'

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

Wine at the Bar

Painting the portrait of a weight lifter.

"I've joined a wine-lovers club. . . so far there are only three members."

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

'It's my first attempt at gardening but so far I've learned...'

'It was still pitch black when I left for work: I picked my son's toy barrel instead of mine...'

"It's a special golf bag for beginners - It has a built-in GPS."

The Multi-Prop Juggler In Training

Golf - "Are you new to the game?"

One more please.

Karate club.

'I thought you were going to build a raft with that driftwood!'

'Dad, the wine's been put into used barrels, just like you ordered. I got a great deal on them from Exxon.'

Working Out

'Milking' the Wine Barrel.

Mulligan's first mulligan.

"Yes! I got one over! Woo-hoo!"

'Hereafter you sew your own buttons on your suits of armor. This is the tenth needle I've ruined tonight.'

"Darling - I can't seem to find the invisible menders..."

'I think we should look into a smaller hammer and bigger nails for your next do-it-yourself project'

'I think I'll take up bowling instead.'

Beginner approaching the lane.

"There'll be a little wait - would you like to have a drink at the bar?"

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

"Not sure if it's French oak, but I'm positive our wine is barrel aged."

Ballet Shoes