Barracks Jokester Pillows

'I told my mom we're going to take part in war games and she sent my old game controllers.'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

Police Cow!

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'What, not even a kiss first?'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Practical joke, violent offender rehab center: 'Relate to me!'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'

Army Barracks

'We're all gonna have lovely hangovers in the morning!'

Robot porn.

'Tender and Juicy.'