Barrack Banter Pillows

'Aw. Sarg sent me up here because I haven't bathed in two weeks.'

Army Barracks

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

I was allowed to chew this. But not that

Menu. How much is that stuff? Read the hash tag.

'Advertising: Don't get me started! I mean what's Phil Collins in a Gorilla suit, got to do with chocolate?'

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

The world of Freudian slips...

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

'Her bruxism resulted in a ferine bricole.'

"My marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic is a park, right?"

'My compliments to the chef - I'm gonna be sick and won't have to pull latrine duty today.'

Liverpool FC Chairman - "It's Man United, they want to know if we've any trophy cabinets going spare."

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

"I'll have this guy, this guy, and this guy."

Yeah, I'm a songbird, but I'd rather be known as a singer/songwriter.

"Ello, ello..& ello

'No, we haven't converted to Islam. Henry has just lost his razor.'

"And the first question is. . . What the f**k are you looking at. . ??"

"It's not what you think. I'm from South Dakota."

'I told my mom we're going to take part in war games and she sent my old game controllers.'

"I love taking risks... it's all the consequences I can't handle."

'Been playing horseshoes long?'