Barrack Banter Pillows

'Aw. Sarg sent me up here because I haven't bathed in two weeks.'

Army Barracks

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

'It's not worth worrying about. There's nothing you can do about it. No two quarks in a small region can occupy the same quantum-mechanical state.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

"I’ll have my lawyer call your lawyer to keep them gainfully employed."

"The only thing trivial about pursuing this trivial lawsuit is my fee!"

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

The world of Freudian slips...

'My compliments to the chef - I'm gonna be sick and won't have to pull latrine duty today.'

'Her bruxism resulted in a ferine bricole.'

"My marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic is a park, right?"

"Ello, ello..& ello

'I swear, one of these days I'm going to win one!'

"I'll have this guy, this guy, and this guy."

'No, we haven't converted to Islam. Henry has just lost his razor.'

"And the first question is. . . What the f**k are you looking at. . ??"

"It's not what you think. I'm from South Dakota."

'I told my mom we're going to take part in war games and she sent my old game controllers.'

"I love taking risks... it's all the consequences I can't handle."

'Been playing horseshoes long?'

I still don't see how these 'hand free' laws make you any safer...

"I must admit, though, it was a man who taught me how to abuse my power."