Barrister Banter Pillows

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Trial by Media

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"No, of course there isn't, 'one law for the rich and another for the poor'... There's no law for the poor."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Objection, Your Honor! Alleged killer whale."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

I love Lawyers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

Barristers

"We-your agents, successors, licensees, and assigns--would like to share a few thoughts with you."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

Junior barrister prompting a deaf and testy chief

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Since you have already been convicted by the media, I imagine we can wrap this up pretty quickly."

"Bailiff."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."