Barrister Pillows

"You have a pretty good case, Mr. Pitkin. How much justice can you afford?"

Law School teacher.

"I made partner!"

Lawyer, lawyer! Get out of the water!

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"In the interest of streamlining the judicial process, we'll skip the evidence and go directly to sentencing."

"At first I was the aggressor but as he got the upper hand it became clear I was the victim."

King Arthur And The Attorneys Of The Round Table

"Frankly, counselor, I don't care how stressful this is for your client—tell him to get out of that damn yoga position."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

"Forget the bloody glove for a moment; ignore all the arguments about the DNA evidence and try to remember that this case, after all, is about securities violations."

"Can we, just for a moment, your Honor, ignore the facts?"

'Objection! The Prosecution is attempting to lead the witness!'

'Your hindsight on this case, was far more accurate than his forsight.'

"Earlier you testified, and I quote: 'I wouldn't hurt a fly.' And yet police found this unregistered weapon in your home, along with several dead flies."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"The road head is filled with danger. Take this lawyer for protection."

'How did he make the world in six days?'

What does it cost to ask a question? What's your second question

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"Oh-oh, we're in trouble!"

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

Devil on trial - "We find the defendant guilty of being in the details."

'Permission to treat the witness as a hostile, self-important, arrogant jackass.'

'Do you plead guilty or not guilty?'

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

'I was going to text you an apology for medical negligence ... but my phone is in there.'

'If you don't believe me, Google it.'

'Those two alone should ensure I become a wealthy lawyer.'

'Your mum and I are thinking about giving your power of attorney...' - 'Yes! Yes! Yes! I'm rich! Rich!' - '...and now, strangely, I'm having second thoughts.'

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

Uncle Bernie's Litigator Farm