Politics Jokester Pillows

"I'd like to meet Rocketman at the DMZ and dance Gangnam style."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

The signing of Ben Franklin's non-disclosure agreement.

A crab with a utility knife claw

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'I don't know -- maybe an evil robot from the future IS the kind of President we need.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

"You idiots … we lost!"

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

The Mayor Alonzo Q. Furdweiller Pothole. Looks like the mayor and the city council are bickering again.

Cleaning the Horse

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

Scottish Independence: The Union Jock.

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

Feet Off the Ground

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

"No matter who I vote for, Tia Carmen always votes for the other guy. That means my candidate gets two votes!"

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'Tender and Juicy.'

I have a confession. Sometimes I doubt that God is really a giant chicken. Eggnostics.

Interrupted Shower.

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'

"The president wants your helium for a national emergency."

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."