Barn Jokester Pillows

'The holes in this hay net are getting smaller! What are you trying to say buddy?!'

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

Fleas Navidad.

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Merry Christmas"

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Man in office on saddle: 'You heard right. I just got hired as a desk jockey.'

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

Police Cow!

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Tree's Tree Nursery. Get this. Dad is selling those goofy upside-down tomato planters. What idiot would buy them? Thanks! I'll let you know how it works! My idiotic bio teacher.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Clandestine cows.

Dr B orge tests his new cow-fart ozone depletion meter.

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

"Sure, my dad and my granddad and my granddad's dad were all domesticated. But that doesn't mean I have to be."