Barking Bard Gifts

"But the best thing about getting neutered, Gus, is that I'm finally able to focus on my novel-in-progress without any distractions!"

Missing Persons - 'Can you describe him.'

"Do you have anything other than dog roles, I don't want him to get type cast."

Bitchbark Canoe

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I see! And, just how much will it cost if she is in season?'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

'Oh, it's a long, long time...From here to November...'

"I'm not growling, it's my stomach rumbling!"

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"Ever feel like even when you're barking at something you're still barking at nothing?"

'Arf! Arf!'

"My owner is teaching me to think before barking, which gave Federal Express plenty of time to clobber me."

'Can you give him something to relax his jaws?'

We're halfway through teaching her to roll over.

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

Cow writer.

Dog phrenology

'Oh that just means he wants you to rub his tummy.'

"First they taught me how to pee on the newspaper. Then they taught me how to fetch it. I reversed the sequence by accident and I've been out here since."

'Sure, he acts like he's into you now, but, trust me...he's only interested in one thing.'

"I yip, therefore I am."

Dog in therapy.

"Sometimes I bark at nothing."

'Wow, it's busy...I hope we can find a barking spot!'

The Inner Dog.

"Since when did your time spend being man's best friend become billable hours."

One giant bark for dogkind.

"Oh, no, no, no, no! Please, NOOO!"

I know they told me not to bark

'I know what you're thinking, honey, it's out of our price range but, wait till you see the size of the mailman's leg on this route!'

Dog