Barista Humor Appreciator Pillows

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

'Remember, my door is always open Higgins, just be careful of the trap door.'

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

'These drinks have been watered down.'

Could you be a little bit more specific than an 'arm and a leg'?

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"Do you want to order a contract killing, Don Carlos, or a pay-as-you-go killing?"

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

Coffee Overload: 'I'll have a low fat soy latte, no sugar, two biscotti...make that a Columbian-Kenyan bean bend...oh make it snappy, I'm in a hurry!'

"Management think staff need to use their initiative more, and they forwarded a 65 page memo on how they want you to do it."

"Let's have some fun, guys -- Let's walk into a bar."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

"One skinny latte, and is that with almond milk, coconut milk, soya milk..."

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"If that's the chief medical officer I'm not here."

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

He's going to help us with our late payers' problem.

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

All I'm sayin is let he who has not driven naked and stoned cast the first stone...

'Hell, no, I don't want any sake.'

People talking through a stethoscope.

"I should give myself up... I'm a bad habit!"

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.