Barbecue Humorist Pillows

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Wok. Don't Wok.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"What other tricks does he need?"

'I was in the catering corps.'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

Amy Sedaris

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

Avocado Timeline

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'He's all eyes!'

The secret lives of household things.

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'