Bbq Humorist Pillows

"Stupid thing won't light."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

Wok. Don't Wok.

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"What other tricks does he need?"

'I was in the catering corps.'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

Amy Sedaris

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Lets all thank Martha for her very innovative 'Hot Dog Crepes'.'

'Okay, kids...time for your bath.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Avocado Timeline

The secret lives of household things.

'He's all eyes!'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

'Mom! Instant oatmeal is NOT fast food!'

"We need a new stove. This one's beginning to burn oil."

Supermarket Warehouse. At night, with just security here, the products sing classic karaoke. The orange juice is belting Elvis'"All Shook Up." Peanut butter and jelly performed a duet of "Love Will Keep Us Together." children's breakfast cereal sang "Sugar, Sugar." And sriracha sauce did a rendition of "Great Balls of Fire"! What song will the ground beef choose? Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise," of course!

"I couldn't have made my family recipe raisin date nut cake with it's secret ingredient without Jimmy's help."

'Flipping pancakes.' 'Waiting with a net.'

'Well, ex-CU-U-Use ME!'

"How do you prepare the chicken?"