Bar Trivia Gifts

'The difference between Micro and Macro economics is this: Macro is what you owe, and Micro is what you're paid.'

'Intelligent Design? My arse!'

Before the Internet

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

'Bartender...There's soap in my beer glass!' - Man farting bubbles.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

Complementary Beverages

Pub restrooms; Thugs - Thugettes

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

"If I had been on 'The Brady Bunch', which I wasn't, I'd have been Greg, whom I ain't"

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

You have had enough

'He thought the fire alarm was the bell for last orders, and ran towards the bar.'

Ostrich Bar

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Our changing neighborhood: new store openings.

"With other dates I've been on, long walks on the beach seemed like a cliche, but with you it really feels genuine."

Inappropriate horse whispering.

'I think she just whispered those three little words in his ear - Time,Gentlemen,Please!'

"I'm taking a creative writing class. I turned in my checkbook and got an A."

"Do they look tired to you?"

"I giggle when I laugh." "I pee when I sneeze."

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

'C'mon, Larry - you knew the risks when you promised to be my wingman.'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"Jim opened a bar in his cubicle. Before you shut it down, keep in mind that company morale has never been higher."

'Propping up the bar again tonight, Sybil?'

"I feel like I've just been played my whole life."

"Sooo....my wife and I saw you from across the bar."

'If that's my wife, you're not in!...'

"I'm not whining."

'I'm an economist, but I try not to take myself too seriously.'

'Say! You're new here aren't you?'