Bar Goers Gifts

"Tell him to fetch his own damn slippers."

At the flies' bar: 'When I was a young maggot, I dreamed of becoming an Airbus!'

"I don't drink liquor for pleasure. I'm a germaphobe and the alcohol helps disinfect my internals."

"I'm feeling frisky, Babe... I hope you carry protection."

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"It feels good to unwind..."

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"My wife left me. Then my hard drive died."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

'Let's go to your place. I cook, I clean and then we can have a meaningful shag.'

"Well, what are you doing after the millennium?"

Watching the football.

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'No more for me, thanks - I've already had a skinful.'

"She said 'let's go for a walk in the park'. It turned into a quagmire."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

His & hers towels.

"That guy I just met is already texting me pictures of his plumage."

'All this talk about a consumer society... I don't buy it.'

'Half o' mild and a bag of pork scratchings - you're grooming me, aren't you?'

Dog Bar with Toilets.

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

'What's wrong with him?' - 'He drank a glass of water by mistake.'

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

A mini Kebab take-away and a minibar

"Look! I can almost spot the bar I should be in right now!"

"Me too! Let's get some beers!"

'You know what I really like in someone? Bulk!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'He thought the fire alarm was the bell for last orders, and ran towards the bar.'

'Hey Are you sniffing at my girlfriend's ae'

Ostrich Bar

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"