Bank Regulation Critic Gifts

"It's a temporary austerity measure, sir - There's a ten-day waiting period for withdrawals."

Standard & Poor

'Back in the day, you could leverage . . .'

'Cutting back to a single securities regulator is a good idea. After that, one more reduction and our troubles are over.'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Another Rogue Trader

Bank Robbery Statistics

'We're sorry. Yesterday's report on the tax system being replaced by voluntary contributions was traced to a practical joker.'

J. P. Morgan whale harpooned by bank regulators.

"That's $3.50 for the dog plus 75 cents toxic cooking water disposal surcharge."

How Americans Can Get Help

"So what else can we get our customers to do online themselves and charge them for it?"

Bank. 18 month CD 1.0815255645% Paying More digits than any other bank. Interest rates are so low! It's hard to believe this CD has reached maturity --- Just look at how little it's grown! Investing seems extremely risky these days. There's no safe place to get a decent return. They always say investing is a roller coaster. Yeah, but it's not true. On a roller coaster you get back to where you started!

Penitentiary (No Criminal Testing).

'You're a bad credit risk so, yes, of course you can have some money.'

Man in church sees sign: Thank you for not yawning.

'Would you believe that I lost my job just because the banking regulatory authority said that I'm too greedy??!'

'We're worried about your ability to lend us money.'

"I'd heard banks were reluctant to give businesses money - but I didn't think it was this bad..."

"Wait, sir. It's a new banking regulation -- You can't leave without depositing something."

Foreclosure.

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

Your Money Back if and when We Feel Like It.

'Usury' is not a pretty word, Mr. Williams.

"Don't just stand there man. Go rob a few pension funds!"

'They're the only people getting any money from banks these days.'

'Oh well, at least it's breaking up the banks.'

Greed Is Getting Back to Normal

Foreclosed

EU bank restructure.

'We're sorry. Your answer to your secret question was incorrect. Your bank account has therefore been erased from our banking system.'

24hr Loans - Closed all day.

"Didn't the consumer financial protection bureau used to be right here...?"

'You have been pre-approved for another credit card.'

We Wanna Be Loved