Bank Buster Pillows

Bank - For The Convenience Of Customers This Branch Has Been Moved To Tierra Del Fuego Where It Will Open On Alternative Tuesday Afternoons

'We rolled your account over last week, Sir, and now we can't find it.'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Going...Going...Gone! Sold to the lady with more money than sense.'

'I never get a good night's sleep. Thank God for these office meetings!'

I'm not making enough money to like you.

The Not-So Smart Meter

Budget Bureau. Ernie, spilling something from every food group on it, does not make it a "balanced" budget!

"Hey, honey, the credit card company increased our debt... I mean our credit limit!"

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'Ready for your bonus, Bob?'

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

'We're cutting back on our legal expenses and going with the violence instead.'

"This is crazy! We've been here only 10 minutes, we've spent all our money, and we've got nothing to show for it!"

'My firm has scrutinised your budget and determined you could save a fortune by sacking us...that'll be £300,000 please!'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

Oil shock.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

Horror Theater. Now Playing. Return of the Deficit.

Yes, dear, I remembered the coupons and saved a few dollars. The Adventures of Marriedman.

Basketball Tourney. Ernie, you're crushing everybody in the office basketball pool! You've picked the winner of every game so far! It's amazing because you don't know a thing about basketball. For you, picking the winner of every tournament game is like correctly guessing a coin flip sixty seven times in a row! No, I have a system! It seems everybody has an opinion about the tourney so I listened to what my investment advisor thought about the teams. And with his record of picking winners

"If a tree falls in the forest and hits a certain individual, would he still be able to testify?"

"I don't mind out of control spending as long as it's on stuff I like."

"Fifth robbery this week. That's not a security camera ??" a local TV news station installed it to save time."

'Please excuse the mess - we've been busy throwing good money after bad!'

Osborne's Tax Cuts

Put it in petty cash.

"I've been told to go through all our expenses...cut out any fat, get rid of any costly perks!"

"They're spelt differently!"

'Your father installed a security system.'

Celebrity endorsements? I thought you said celibate endorsements. No wonder we're coming in under budget.