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Honore de Balzac

The DaVinci Code

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'Tarzan interviewing for a position as a corporate lawyer.' An interviewer asks, 'When we go against the gorillas, how can we be sure that you won't forget which side you're representing?'

Antonio Vivaldi

'I think they're up to something.'

Leonardo Da Vinci paints a selfie

"I'd like to buy a BOWEL."

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

Binary Man

'Gerald was stripping some old wallpaper, and there it was - Leonard Da Vinci's lost fresco ‘The Battle of Anghiari'.'

He's the first Master Sculptor since the Renaissance also trained as a Mohel.

'Not gruel, stupid! -- I said find the GRAIL!'

Fellow Sheep of the Ring

"You're awfully tame this evening."

'You might want to try another photographer, Sire. This one tends to cut the heads off.'

"We received another message from that scoundrel Robin Hood, sire!"

Petrarch

"I have to pee!"

"You know I hate birthdays!"

'Could you tone down the smile just a little?'

"Why, Giambattista Tiepolo, you old so-and-so! Who knew you could paint?"

Leonardo's first drawing

They're souvenir magnets from all the places we've done battle.

Ben Jonson.

"She's a Rolex. He's a Timex."

"Man, I hate jester auditions."

"Welcome to your new home Sire. There isn't an enemy in the land that will penetrate these three foot thick stone walls."

Michelangelo eh...well you're going to have to come up with some ID!

'How about that? -- Lady Godiva got a bouffant!'

"I would never do a nude scene, unless the part really called for it."

'Oh no! Political memoirs!'

Monk Graffiti

'Another Scotch?'