Baked Good Guardian Gifts

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"Each order comes with 10 minutes of free guilt counseling."

"This chicken wasn't cooked - it committed suttee!"

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

'Ok...something, but nothing you'd care about. Honest!'

"Thanks, but there's really nothing to do while the meat's smoking."

French Toast

Mum ices cake with 'hands off'.

"The food must be good here. Look at the drool on the menus."

Earth-Friendly Financial Services: "Working to protect our planet by accumulating vast piles of your money."

Ginger Breadman

"Who let the dog get into the chocolate?"

There's nothing like the real thing!

"P..P..Please! Just leave me alone!!"

"And coach says to hurry it up because we're delaying '60 Minutes.'"

An angel in heaven is walking an angel dog.

'One day we're all spooking and cool...and just like that, we're out on the curb.'

"Ciel! Supergastronome!"

Dog Funerals.

"Chef, the salads are ready, the meat is seasoned, and you're washing your hands in the soup."

(Attack Dog) (It's about character stupid!)

"I'm afraid I may have murdered the trees."

Watchdog Maddoff Type Fraud Schemes.

'I was wrong...you can teach an old dog new tricks.'

'Mom! Barry's not playing with his food before he eats it!'

'But couldn't you leave the ends of the stitches a little shorter...'

"Yes but I had one before they were trendy."

Goldbunker

"This shampoo is ruining all the great smells I rolled in on my walk!"

'You were supposed to guard my dessert.'

"Me being happy to go on these walks is just an act. It's the only way I can get you to stop staring at your computer and come outside."

'The head of the house is out, but I can handle any crank calls.'