Baggage Whisperer Gifts

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

The fate of the emigrant

"The way he stacks those blocks, I see repression, some hostility, and a lot of dissatisfaction with his place in society."

"I always check 2 bags, but one's just a sacrifice to the luggage gods."

Rising Gas Prices

Daisy Diaper Service

"If obsessing about trash is wrong, then. . . I don't wanna be right."

Two 'superheros' show the discrepancy in toilet paper production.

"What are you in for?"

'They used to call me 'Fluffy', but it's been 'Lucky' ever since I survived the spin cycle.'

Shops Shops Shops - 'I've just remembered! We came here to catch a flight!'

"I'm afraid your allowance didn't survive the latest round of budget cuts."

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

'Our ultrasound equipment is not working, so we've brought in famed psychic Jennifer Armstrong to give us a vision of the fetus.'

"I mean, he does have a point."

I.R.S. - Attention Investors! Remember to 'Buy low, sell high' so we can collect capital gains tax!

'Stocks fell on the perception that stocks would fall on the perception that stocks were falling.'

'We're projecting a profit, but not within our lifetimes.'

"You're just in time for our 'post Christmas, pre Autumn alternate Tuesday in August late season Sale!'"

"All right. Time to grow up."

'So you just dry stuff? That's cool, I guess. I mean, it's not like there's some mystical force that could do that for you, like, I don't know... evaporation.'

Multitasking

Right little madam.

"I understand you're famous for your tantrums."

'Are you hiding something from me?'

"It's worth a try! Maybe someone up there knows how to fold a fitted bedsheet!"

Here lays Harvey Schmidlip, perhaps best known for his invention of the speed bump.

"We want to fly the friendly skies, but only with friendly fellow passengers."

"The sniffer dog had found cocaine again."

"Anytime you need a sherpa, you can't find one."

"You're early - trash day's not till thursday."

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

Today's Topic: "The value of money" You know what they say, Frank, "money talks." Whenever my money starts to talk, I get a bill to shut it up.

"Try verbalizing it."