Bad Relationship Survivor Gifts

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"See how controlling he is?!"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"Oh no! You, again?"

Unmanned drones.

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

Ereptile Dysfunction

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

"That's just the booze listening."