Bad Relationship Survivor T-Shirts

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Pony express. Pony express yourself. Pony express yourself so much he left.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

"We don't talk anymore."

Their relationship was doomed to fail. She was frigid, and his arms were too short to rub one out.

"So, how are we doing with our trust issues?"

"Sorry Frank, but I can no longer go on with this charade. Not only am I not your best friend, I'm not even sure if I like you at all."

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

"I feel I'm losing touch with the unrealistic view I have of him."

"Your mind is somewhere else." "My mind is somewhere else."

"See how controlling he is?!"

'You do make me laugh, Ron, but a relationship can't survive on laughter alone.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Cliche Amusement Park. This park is no fun at all --- It's too much like real life! Look, that ride is called "The Emotional Roller Coaster." Over there is "Life's Ups and Downs"! ... and "The Mood Swings"! Look! The good old "Tunnel of Love"! Finally! A ride that's just a fun escape! Out of ardor. "Out of ardor" --- More real life. (Published originally Sept. 4, 2005.)

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Couple beyond prayer - need divine intervention.

"I got over DDT, and I'll get over you!"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"You keep everything bottled up inside."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"She called me immature, And if that wasn't bad enough, she burst my bouncy castle."

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

'I get the feeling lately that some of the magic has gone out of our relationship.'

'I wish we'd never invented talking — nagging was so much easier to take in sign language.'

'Whenever he feels under attack, he calls for backup.'

Ereptile Dysfunction

Unmanned drones.

'Right, how can I help you?' 'Your wife is having it off with my husband!'

"Oh no! You, again?"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'