Bacteria Laughers Gifts

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

"Tour de Frank"

A Club Sandwitch.

'I missed work due to a rib injury from belly-laughing at your jokes.'

When clowns are hunting.

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Women like funny men, but you can't go on a date dressed like that!"

A great new year (for cartoonists).

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'You're right...these are your hormone pills. Thank goodness we noticed before anything serious happened.'

Pie chart of pub conversations

No offense, Doctor, but I'm feeling kinda rushed.

'Finally, a job that makes other people happy from laughing at you and you love it.'

'You better have a hunting license.'

"The doctor will see you now."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'Here's the problem, sir. This isn't blood in your veins. It's red ink.'

Tough germ.

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

Devils in hell bang on the ceiling as the angels upstairs are being too noisy.

'Keep this to yourself, Henderson, this will fund our research for the next ten years!'

"So it's really funny right? You're not just trying to make me feel good?"

Gift Suggestions for Post-Diamond Wedding Anniversaries

'The whole universe maybe just an atom underneath a giants fingernail...'

'Don't look now, but the winner of last season's 'The Biggest Heckler' is here.'

'Say... this looks like a good place!'

'Give up wine, women, and if you still insist on song, take singing lessons, you're flat.'

"Look, baby, I haven't much time. I'm only a twenty-four virus, you know."

Uni-species restroom.

"I don't like the look of things, Henshaw."

'Oh-oh -- they're having a big war over which one of us to worship!'

'I'll give it to you straight - This disease is almost IMPOSSIBLE to pronounce.'

'Your honor, we the jury have looked really hard out the window all day and would like to go home.'