Bacteria Banter Lover Gifts

Tough germ.

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

An Archeologic Dig

"Where do you see yourself in five pints time?"

'I'm afraid it's one of those new superbugs.'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'Thou shall not covet the neighbours same sex partner.'

"Just the steak for me and my friend will have the carbon dioxide and the water with the sunlight."

Bacteria fame at last.

'The anaerobic ones are just sitting there, but the aerobic bacteria are doing jumping jacks, sit-up, leg lifts....'

Louis Pasteur

Sigh. They never ask me to play.

Bob would learn the hard way that dogs are color-blind.

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"The dove certainly helped, but GPS really nailed it."

'Here comes Ted.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I'll have a Maker's Mark, and she'll have a shot at being the mother she never was."

"I may have bird legs but at least I don't have crow's feet."

"Can we discuss this?"

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

STILL LIVES - Double Head Match: 'I think we're a match made in heaven.' 'It seems more like the the work of the Devil to me!'

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

'I do hope you enjoy your birthday lie-in, dear.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

'You can't make a wit out of two half wits.'

'Have we met someplace? Yes, that's why I quit going there.'

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

The Bacteria Bowl

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

"Femember, if they catch you and put you in a vaccine, you're working for the enemy."

'How long will it be until he can sit up and take the criticism?'

'Speak with the voice of reason again.'

We're back, baby! Oh, no. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr. Web. $12.50. I'll have Jell-o. Make that two Jello-os. We're celebrating. The old lady and I are back together again. What? How dare you?! I'm only four months older than you. You're on thin ice, darling. Oh, I'm on thin ice, snookums? Am I the one who invited his freeloading sister to live with us without even a discussion? Am I the one who "accidentally" left the gate open so her husband's beloved dog could run away? ... Dear? You're the