Backyard Maintenance Gifts

Human males marking territory.

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"First time pruning?"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

The Last Leaf

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Conservation Area

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Lawnmower

Okay, dig that one up!

"Mulch madness"

Beginning Yarder.

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

Lawn Order. It's a landscaping show about maintaining a tidy yard.

'George! This way quick!'

"Can we get a bigger pool to accommodate all my floats?"

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'