Backyard Maintenance Gifts

Human males marking territory.

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"First time pruning?"

'I used to do that, but it just grows again.'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

The Gardener's Calendar: Try to Repair It...

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

The Last Leaf

Neighbor Leaf Wars

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Irritable trowel syndrome.

Lawnmower

'He works out aggression by bayoneting the leaves.'

Conservation Area

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Okay, dig that one up!

"Mom, no raking for me this fall! Got any more leaf bags?"

"Mulch madness"

Beginning Yarder.

'Since he bought the leaf blower I hardly ever see him.'

"Must get a longer cable."

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

'It says right here on the package, Ed, 'avoid any direct contact with skin'!'

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

"Can we get a bigger pool to accommodate all my floats?"

'George! This way quick!'

"I use old Duke to check my steaks. If it feels like Duke's tongue, it's rare, if it feels like his ear, it's medium. . ."

'I'd recommend the 9 tine.'

'Summer's over and it's time to fall in!'

"Dad, can we please just buy a week wacker?"

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."