Backstage Tactician Gifts

Jenkins here has been with the firm the longest,

Lynching on social media

"Just be yourself."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"A glimpse into a cartoon character's dressing room..."

"Works every time."

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'Contested elections for managing partner are always going to cause a bit of upset.'

Open Mike for the spotlight operators

"It's Cinderella?!?"

"Well, that's show business."

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'This paintball war has really spun out of control.'

Personnel. What do I call those gaps in my work history? Quality time.

'What else do you have going for you besides being aggressive?'

"This is as far as your air miles take you."

'Oh, that's Dan, the congressman's right AND left hand man'

"We can stop the bombardment - the castle surrendered."

"Your resume says you specialize in field work."

'Your resume is very creative. It's all a crock."

'My instincts and intuitions are on opposing sides on this legal strategy.'

'He's switched from tweeting on Twitter to growling on a new social media site called Growler. Suits him better.'

"It's not a huge role, but it is Shakespeare. I get to ask the king if he wants bottled or tap."

"Lets stop arguing about the pool. We'll divide it in half and stay on our half."

Chess Chef

'If possible, I'd like it to be an amicable bankruptcy.'

'We will need a standard resume in addition to this beautiful needlepoint recommendation from your mother.'

"No self-aggrandizement anywhere. And you call yourself an applicant?"

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

Chess Trainer

Stage hand.

'He played every minute of three football matches on TV today.'

'It's a special technique called cheating.'