Background Checks Gifts

'New partner, eh? Let me just run a complimentary CRB check for you.'

"I've finished all the background checks and consulted a psychological profiler to see if they can identify any problem areas."

PSA Banter.

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Sorry, we first have to do a background check."

"You notice all the books behind me...one of these days I'll get around to read one."

"Are these 'raw' facts or 'spun' facts?"

"That's Eleanor. She's a fact checker."

'We will conduct the background check. Our fortune, Madame Zula, will conduct a complimentary future check.'

Mash-Test Dummies.

Two computers, smaller one labeled DATA, the larger one, HYPE

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

Conspiracy theories

"We will demonstrate that climate change denial blogs cause further global warming."

"The final phase of your background check... the bumper stickers on the back of your car."

'Hey, that line's moving a lot faster!'

'We ran a full DNA test, STR and Mitochondrial analysis... and Bob here 'Googled' it just to make sure.'

You Can't Argue With The Facts!

"Do you have a few unsubstantiated claims I can borrow?"

"Stacy. Stacy. Honey... You're not a doctor."

"Stop fact checking my story."

'I got level 5 security clearance!'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

'This is a really low budget approach to stopping illegal immigration.'

Brain Check

The Stat family