Back-to-earth Believer Gifts

"Isn't Bill going a little too green?"

Ghost School.

"Have you tried turning it off and on again?"

I want a calendar where every day says here and now

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Young Jesus learning to walk on water with waterwings around his ankles.

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

The Fact-Earther's Atlas

Meet Aron Kowalski: The only person in the USA who hasn't been abducted by aliens...

Less is less

"Lucky beast....No factory farming, no suffering at the slaughterhouse...perfect."

'As I'm sure you all remember, right here is when we all stopped caring!'

"I started this company in my parents basement. I kept a backup copy in case I ever need to start another."

Leaf falling in the desert

"Bravo, Paul. You've done more for the back of my head than I ever dreamed possible."

"It's true - we totally have the best religion!"

'Will Tuesday afternoon be satisfactory?'

"God! Please, help save the Earth!"

A Tailor and a new customer

"It's a hoax!!!!"

Carrier Bag Shame

"Hello there. I'm the bluebird of Orthodox Judaism. What do you say you get up, you put on t'fillin and you daven this morning?"

"Jesus, how many times have I told you that's not a toy?"

'I couldn't find a thing not to wear.'

"Just ignore him. He witnessed his whole life and now he can't stop."