Baby Tv Critic Gifts

'Look dear, he's prematurely bored'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Can't Touch This

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'He has a learning disability all right - television!'

Silly News.

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

NEWS WEATHER SPORTS