Baby Tv Critic Gifts

'Look dear, he's prematurely bored'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'What does it say, Dad?'

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Can't Touch This

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

'Have you picked out a domain name, yet?'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

Christmas TV...

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'

Silly News.

Tonight, on the microwave channel... chicken pot pie!

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

Weird – I think everything they watch is called, That actor looks so familiar what else have we seen him in.

'Ironically, sportswear is the most comfortable clothing for doing nothing in.'