Baby's First Cold Pillows

'I'm leaking from everything!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

A young Don King

Santa Claus's Mail

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

A Tit for Tat.

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'A is for Arse.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"They look so young and helpless."

Little chef.

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"Which one's yours?"

She doesn't like my song? All the kids LOVED it at Day Care!

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

The modern generation!

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

'That never gets old.'

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'