Baby's First Cold Pillows

'I'm leaking from everything!'

"His first out-of-body experience."

A young Don King

Santa Claus's Mail

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

A Tit for Tat.

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

'A is for Arse.'

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"They look so young and helpless."

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

'It makes baptisms a lot more fun for everyone.'

Little chef.

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

"Travelling with Child Sketchbook - day 2."

'Cracked nipple? But I didn't even drop you.'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

She doesn't like my song? All the kids LOVED it at Day Care!

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

"Which one's yours?"

The modern generation!

"Bless, Poppy's first tweet!"

'I can't wait to embarrass him when he's a teenager.'

Extra innings.

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

'Try one - they're crunchy on the outside with a chewy centre.'