Baby's First Impression Pillows

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

Madonna of the Pukes.

"They grow up so fast."

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Twenty-first century baby walker

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

Baby tells other Baby to call.

Baby has used blocks to spell out 'SO VERY BORED'.

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

His first conspiracy theory...'Is it a coincidence the first time I walk, they start locking all the cupboards? I think not!'

Parent is going to elaborate lengths to get the baby to eat.

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"I think it's time we learned to stand up for our selves."

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

A baby using a heavy duty drill

'No creamed peas for me today!'

"Still won't talk. We've tried everything aside from sodium pentothal."

"I had no idea life could be so complicated."

Chilly baby.

"Is there a problem officer?"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Moms gone wild

"I'm sure he wasn't that big when we went out

"I didn't want anything. I just wanted to see how fast you could get here in case of an emergency!"

'You say that he's so good that you 'Don't know you've got him', so what's the point of him?'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

A couple with a new baby

'He'll be a great basketball player someday -- he already dribbles all over the place.