Baby Bump Celebrator Gifts

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Bubbly

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

'Boy, if you'd just stop roaming around, it would be easier to find you...'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

First Steps

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

Happy Bifurcation Day,

"I'm not going to do any work...cos it's my birthday!"

Son, I don't think this was how Whistler painted HIS mother.

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

"Happy new year!"

'Go forth and multiply!'

"Meanwhile at Oak Vista Rest Home... In case of birthday cake fire break glass."

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

Womb for Kids

The first birthday gift.

Life begins at 60

"Everyone's waiting to have babies, so I had to pick up a side gig."

"She just uses all that make-up to hide her age."

'Look, he's taking his first steps.'

A drum covered in candles

"Oops, I just ate Diane's birthday card and signed 'Happy 30th, girl!' on a donut."

'I must be getting older, the cards joking about my age just don't seem as funny anymore'

Handel sitting on a piano

'Born again birthdays don't count.'

Alien Birthdays...

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"My wife's going through a difficult pregnancy."

"The secret to a long life?... Waking up every morning."

"If there are seven dog years to every year - why don't I get seven birthday cakes every year?"

"The day after Thanksgiving is a day of rest for cooks."