B-movie Aficionado Gifts

"OSHA is going to hear about this!"

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"We need rain."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

Hooray for Bollywood!

I love Basketball.

Hollywood Breakup

"Uh-oh it's happening aain, the feeling I'm being triggered...."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

"The cape comes off too."

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

Christopher Nolan caricature

Barry Norman

"Which should we go see: the straight romantic comedy where the heroine's best friend is a gay man, or the gay romantic comedy where the hero's best friend is a straight woman?"

The Directors Gut.

"We're gonna make, Rose! Keep washing your hands!"

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

'Most of all, I'd like to thank god. . .'

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

Best Special Effects Award

"Are there sharks in the water?"

"That was supposed to be us."

"So Mr Bond, we meet again."

'What's going on at your end?'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."