B-movie Enthusiast Gifts

The world will never be the same again after..Matrons from outer space

"Not another bite of that until after dinner."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'Will you kindly remind the rest of the staff that I'm the managing director - not the Godfather!'

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

Getting to Know You

"At some point, there's only so high you can raise the volume before you admit you're never gonna understand what British detectives are saying."

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"We need rain."

"Spoiler alert."

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

Hollywood Breakup

Cow Cong vs Toilet Rolls.

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'What do you mean, 'pass the remote control'?... We're at the cinema!'

Frank & Ernest. Signe Painted. Cosmetology Dept. That should be "cosmology"! Why do you always get those two confused? I always think the one about space should have an "et" in it.

A mummy, in police tape, chases a police officer.

"Everybody on the bus today was played by Anthony Hopkins."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

Quentin Tarantino

"The cape comes off too."