Ayn Rand Reader Gifts

'Who is John Galt?'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"Gifted class, indeed! One is gifted in science, but can't rad - one is fixed in reading, but won't even try math..."

"I'm still pre-literate."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"Mrs. Berg calls my book report a finely crafted debut and she looks forward to my next effort."

Fear of news.

'A is for Arse.'

Examination.

Trivia/Great Literature.

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

"Did you ask for the large print edition?"

"At least she's reading."

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

'I'm pretty sleepy tonight, Dad - could we just skip ahead to the chase scene?'

'I can't remember the title, but it began, 'Once upon a time'...'

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'Your job, Richards, is to make sure that my name never appears in a headline alongside the word 'siphoned.''

TV vs Reading

'Go and fish Darling, I'll be fine: I have some reading for the next few weeks...'

In the great green room there was a pot of coffee and a red-eyed dad, too. Good Morning Moon.

The Swiss Arm-y Wife

Dog Training. Most of the choices the dogs made for their book reports are logical. The labrador retriever chose "Catch-22." The terrier, who loves to dig, chose "Journey to the Center of the Earth." The basset hound is doing his on "The Howling." and the shar-pei picked "A Wrinkle in Time." But the dachshund's choice confuses me. Even with the ground-hugging physique, he selected "Wuthering Heights."

"Think about the perks. You learn to read, you get a pre-approved library card!"

The Subtitle

Casual skydiving.

"Poor kid, his parents gave him a book for Christmas."

'What's a cubic foot?' - 'Whatever it is claim compensation.'

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"