Awkward Teen Moments Collector Gifts

"No surgery. I'm just trying to hide a pimple."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You and your daft inventions."

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Sex Education Class: "Smirking or non smirking?"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Speed Dating Disasters

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Are you blushing?!"

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"‘How is everything?’ Well, I don’t think everything is going very well … but my pasta is excellent, thank you."