Awkward Moment Storyteller Pillows

"I've told you again and again, don't tell people about the time we had mauve wall paper."

Showbiz Awards

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"You and your daft inventions."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

How to Do Small Talk??!!

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

"Are you blushing?!"

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Speed Dating Disasters

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"