Awkward Moment Storyteller Gifts

"I've told you again and again, don't tell people about the time we had mauve wall paper."

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Always an awkward moment when you meet a Dung Beetle...

"You and your daft inventions."

"A 'pregnant pause' is effective only if you've already said something."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"I suppose I should have let a few minutes elapse between declaring my love for you and announcing that I also loved lobster."

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

'Show one more kitten photo,lady and the next time you see me will be on a 'missing' poster!'

How to Do Small Talk??!!

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"Ignore the screams, sir. I'll get a new fork."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"On a scale of 1-10, how painfully awkward is this?"

Speed Dating Disasters

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'Look. . . for the last time, I'm not playin' 'footsie' with you!'

"Are you blushing?!"