Awkward Meeting Fan Gifts

"Your son has an unctuous, grasping, power-hungry quality we find unattractive in a five-year-old."

"We first met on the beach. He was a lifeguard and I was a poor swimmer."

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact..."

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

"It's not what you think."

Now see, we couldn't have this kind of fun, if we met online.

'Let me start off by saying this: I called you in here by mistake, and now I want you to leave.'

'I'm not sure I want to see you again, but just in case, I've backed you up on a flash drive.'

Shy Man at Party

"I'm Tia Carmen...but I guess I'm not your tia, so you can just call me Carmen."

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

"Please to meet you, though I'm sorry about the circumstances."

'I hope I'm not intruding...'

'Glad you could make it, G,B - pull up a bean bag chair,'

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

'Last month's meeting ended on a high note. Primarily because a disgruntled investor kicked our CEO in the groin.'

'ARRRGH you idiot,you idiot!!' 'When i said take the Don out, i MEANT for lunch!!' (a stupid mob guy kills the boss)

Amy Lou Adams

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

'No Daddy. I didn't say that my new boyfriend was a porn dealer. I said he was a pawn broker '

'Well, well, if it isn't Ted Watt in the flesh!'

I didn't think I would, but I miss being booed.

Barbra Streisand

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"I appreciate the overture, Nick, but I'm trying to cut down on after-work cocktails with Mr. Wrong."

'Hi. I'm Major Fixer-Upper.'

"I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. She said yes and then she went to dinner."

'Mom, who are all these people?' 'I invited all the people you've friended on-line.'

The beer-proof beret!

"I know pain, Jessica. I've had my ear pierced."

"So close."

"Hey, isn't that your "ex" over the road?"

Magician's trick