Awkward Handshake Fan Gifts

'Sorry, I never know what to do with my hands in social situations.'

'If that's a proposal, I accept!'

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"Don't make eye contact... Don't make eye contact..."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

Let's shake on it.

"It's not what you think."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

Shy Man at Party

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

'His references don't check out and he knows zip about the industry--but that handshake!'

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

"Your son has an unctuous, grasping, power-hungry quality we find unattractive in a five-year-old."

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

Ping Pong Handshake.

Valentines

'Our days of wine and roses are over, Ethel. We're going to have to settle for champagne and tulips.'

'No Daddy. I didn't say that my new boyfriend was a porn dealer. I said he was a pawn broker '

'I can't play any tunes, it's just used for hiding my farts after dinner.'

"You're the perfect candidate but I'm afraid your handshake was just a teensy bit soft."

"I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner. She said yes and then she went to dinner."

"I appreciate the overture, Nick, but I'm trying to cut down on after-work cocktails with Mr. Wrong."

"Goodbye and have a wonderful day!" "Ugh! Don’t tell me what to do, okay!?!"

"Janet, we have to stop meeting like this. It has become a source of increasing friction in my marriage to Elizabeth."

'Well, well, if it isn't Ted Watt in the flesh!'

"Good trial." "Good trial." "Good trial."

'Mom, who are all these people?' 'I invited all the people you've friended on-line.'

Wasn't sure why, or even what it meant, but sometimes he just needed to make his presence felt.

"I know pain, Jessica. I've had my ear pierced."