Handshake Avoider Gifts

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

Liberation. You've removed your hypochondria mask. Is flu season over? Possibly for good. There's new research that shows that the warming of the globe is inhospitable to those @#$% flu bugs. The viruses thrive on cold weather. That might be why fly and head colds have been relatively mild. It's just wonderful. Of course, I still won't be shaking hands, or hugging, which are disgusting habits. And we'll all die when the planet overheats because we have no ozone. Are you sure you @#$ whining isn'

How to tell that it's Howie Mandel's dog you're dealing with.

Men shaking hands without touching

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"If someone hugs me my first day back, I'm going to just break into pieces."

"I'll grip but I won't grin."

Let's shake on it.

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

Welcome Sufferers of Stage Fright

'Contract? No contract. We do all our business with nothing more than a handshake.'

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

Businessman wonders why he called a meeting.

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

'Is he expecting you?'

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'His references don't check out and he knows zip about the industry--but that handshake!'

'No, I don't like dancing.'

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

"I miss handshakes"

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

Not in the mood for human interaction line

'Right, I've convened these meetings to explore some concerns about the number of meetings we've been having.'

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"Terrible, I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried."

"Careful, he can smell your boredom."

"Good trial." "Good trial." "Good trial."