Handshake Avoider Pillows

'I'm fist-bumping all of my patients now, because it spreads fewer germs than a handshake.'

Men shaking hands without touching

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"...Our extensive in house survey found that 82% of you think in house surveys are a waste of time."

'He wants to close the deal with a handshake. What do you think about that?'

"There appears to be a direct correlation between fewer meetings and higher productivity."

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"If someone hugs me my first day back, I'm going to just break into pieces."

Let's shake on it.

"I'll grip but I won't grin."

Man looking at a vending machine with a hand sticking out of it and a sign that reads "Put'er there buddy".

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"Just this once, can we not talk about news or politics or money or family or relationships or children or friends or sex or religion or sports or culture or real estate or the past or the future?"

"We've been standing here talking about how to pitch to the batter for way too long, haven't we?"

"Not having to go into the office every day has really cut back on pointless meetings..."

'Wilcox! Do come in...I'm just leaving!'

Desperate employees escape through bosses high-rise window. 'Hurry! His meeting is almost over!'

'Is he expecting you?'

'His references don't check out and he knows zip about the industry--but that handshake!'

'No, I don't like dancing.'

"I think the Church is taking this flu thing a little too seriously."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

"I miss handshakes"

Not in the mood for human interaction line

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

'Right, I've convened these meetings to explore some concerns about the number of meetings we've been having.'

"You're the perfect candidate but I'm afraid your handshake was just a teensy bit soft."

"Terrible, I couldn't fall asleep no matter how hard I tried."

"It's just if the TV isn't on I never know where to look."

"Careful, he can smell your boredom."

"Good trial." "Good trial." "Good trial."

'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'

Procrastinators Anonymous - Postponed

'I was asked to attend a meeting on Accountability in Education. Harold, how long will it take for you to teach me the art of camouflage?'