Awkward Dating Pillows

The Adventures of Morton

Life is for the birds.

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

Nethead strip: Dates

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

What a pear?

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'