Awkward Dating Pillows

The Adventures of Morton

Life is for the birds.

"How sweet, your hand is trembling."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

'He's narrating it, I just know it.'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

Wayne Krasnicky - unlucky gambler and unlucky in love.

"Don't worry, I'm a doctor."

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

"To be honest I'd rather make love not war, but my chat-up lines are terrible."

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

Nethead strip: Dates

"Your eyes are like limpid pools. Allergies hitting you pretty bad, huh?"

'You two will have lots in common - you share the same anxiety neurosis.'

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"Only one Valentines card? Still could have been a lot worse!"

"Oh my god. She knows I schist my plants.

'This is the last time I'm going fishing with you, Harold!'

"I rub my body with animal fat and swim around Manhattan."

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'