Awkward Conversation Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I thought we could spend some father-son time together...you know, to talk about fishing, starting a campfire, dating, girls..."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Very Difficult Conversations

Men gossiping

What price beauty?

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

White Wine Wisdom (2)

Silly News.

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"There's a kind of rhythm to making money that something inside me responds to."

"He says he's a Professor of Rhetoric but I'm not persuaded."

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

'Miss Kress, who on our staff is in charge of denials and uncomfortable realities.'

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'This is our real-time chat room.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"She never has a bad word to say about anyone, she's always too busy talking about herself..."

"The demise of psychoanalysis? Yes, I saw it coming but you know how it is... denial... repression... projection... compartmentalisation..."

"So, have you two been doing anything reproductive?"