Awkward Conversation Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Mom, did I come preassembled or did you and dad have to put me together?'

'You said you wanted to talk to me about sex, Dad - what actually do you want to know?'

'... and then some giant machine punched a hole through my stomach, and that's how you were born.'

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

The Heimlich Maneuver

"I ate some yogurt once. It was very good."

"Great! Let's have sex - I mean, let's do business."

"Don’t take it personally, Ed. Your wife told me I was a terrible kisser, too."

"I once had sex with a chicken and I was wondering if you were my son."

"Dating advice from your old man? Ew, weird. Instead, let's ask Stinky Rick."

'Does Mom know about this stuff?'

'For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.'

'Bill, I'm sorry to hear about your going into the hospital. Is it a MALE problem?'

"Would you say I'm pretty or ugly?"

"What I like best about you is how you, er ...the way you, ummm....You know, there's actually nothing I like about you."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Could I ask just one question?"

Very Difficult Conversations

What price beauty?

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

Attention Span Man

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

'What do you mean I've wolfed that down? You've never stopped nattering!'

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"I worry about every little thing. Barry's more of a generalist."