Award Winning Gifts

'Congratulations on winning Weather Forecaster of the Year, you rotten swine!'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

'And this year's 'Inquisitive Learner Award' goes to...'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Award Winning Gardener

"I'm telling you, she's the best in her field."

Win - win

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

'I got this one for thinking outside the box.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

Gymnasts falling off the winners pedestal.

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Soccer coach of the year.

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

"This year the endowed chair will go to whomever pulls the sword from the stone."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

Zdeno Chara

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Wow! Oh, wait -- It's only a Nobel consolation prize.'

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"I'd like to thank my mum..."

"Thank you, everyone: now I'd like to introduce all the folks who made this possible for me!"

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"