Award Achievers Gifts

"I was awarded this Oscar for my presentation of an Oscar at the Oscars."

U of Debt

GCSEs

'Congratulations, you graduated.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'I told you hard work would pay off in the third grade, Cate...You've had three job offers.'

"So that's where you were last night."

Soccer coach of the year.

"Why can't you be more like little Hester Prynne? She's getting straight A's."

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

Well, wish me luck. Mom and dad can handle an 'A' and two 'B's, but I've REAL-L-L-L-Y got to spin the 'D' in math!

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

"Great! I've finally mastered all my competencies and my teachers still have most of their hair."

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"I'd like to thank everyone who believed in me."

"Well, Timmy's academic results show that he has an exceptional instinct, well above the standard "basic instinct"..."

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"What - you got As in Maths, Nature, Science and English? Son, haven't you watched the news or looked online - if you want to succeed nowadays you have to be dumb as dirt!"

Norman E-Mailer

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

'I'm bright enough. I just don't have the right connections.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"They finally gave me the employee of the month award, but it kind of loses its meaning when every single other employee has already gotten it five times."

'In a surprise move today, the members of the Nobel Committee awarded all of this year's Nobel Prizes to each other.'

School administrator of the year "Accepting for Susan Curtis is her clinical psychologist."