Award-winning Workers Gifts

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'T.M.I.F.'

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"What's a nine-letter word for biotechnology?"

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

The Reaper's Arms

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

"The days of 'herding cats' are over: my friends and I meet through video-conferencing now..."

Soccer coach of the year.

"So that's where you were last night."

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"It's my support group for Zoom fatigue syndrome."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Employee of the month...

'It's called playing. Provides one with a sense of accomplishment - without actually accomplishing anything.'

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"Happy birthday!"