Award-winning Workers Gifts

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"What's a nine-letter word for biotechnology?"

The Reaper's Arms

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'Guess what? I won again.'

'I'm looking for a workaholic who feels the great job he does is compensation enough.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

'You should agree with me, but not all the time, Try mixing it up a little,'

Soccer coach of the year.

"So that's where you were last night."

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."

"The days of 'herding cats' are over: my friends and I meet through video-conferencing now..."

'All my venture capital is tied up in Miss Umpley, there.'

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"And this financial plan is specifically designed for people who know their retirement -- IF they get one -- won't be half as good as their parents' retirement, and are really steamed about it!"

And this one i got for properly polishing my medals.

"It's my support group for Zoom fatigue syndrome."

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

'It's called playing. Provides one with a sense of accomplishment - without actually accomplishing anything.'

Employee of the month...

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

"We don�t do awards ceremonies up here actually"

"And, finally, to my wife, my love and appreciation for her understanding and critical insights, without whom this project would never have been accomplished."

"Happy birthday!"

"Here's my idea. . . we offer Trump the Nobel Peace Prize as a quid pro quo for leaving office."

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

Norman E-Mailer

"The school construction budget is so small we can't even afford to build a snowman."

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."

'Introducing one of our top salesmen despite his old age. . .'