Award Watcher Gifts

"How did my discovery get picked over yoga pants?"

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

Tree house.

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Och lye the news'

'Guess what? I won again.'

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

Republicans and Democrats debate while the US economy drowns.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

'Nine national treasures in one film! Start writing your Oscar speech, darling.'

Soccer coach of the year.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"Ladies and gentlemen, I simply can't believe that I've won this award. I keep wanting to pinch myself."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

'We're looking for an award-winning sales professional. Those are trophies. You're overqualified.'

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

Barbie Oscars

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"...and I'd like to thank all my patients for being so ill..."

Oscars acceptance speech.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Then we agree. 10 minutes of your news, then 10 minutes of mine."

It's a Dog's life

'For donating half my property to the poor, I'll get the 'Unselfish Millionaire of the Year' medal and a supporting receipt for my allowable expenses!'

"The idiots don't realise that flying in a private jet is meant to be IRONIC!"

"I'm the bluebird of PMS. Fetch me some decaf and turn on the air conditioner. I'm burning up in here!"

"...and this one is for the Spritzer Beer account."