Award Nominees Gifts

An Inconcievable, Inexcusable, Incomprehensible Truth.

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"We need to make it through at least one movie, so we have something to root for during the Oscars."

'... and the winner for 'The Noisiest Picture of the Year' is...'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"So that's where you were last night."

"It's touching, actually, to see white dudes fumble around for a few last moments in the spotlight."

'And the Award goes to...Ewww...him?'

May I have the envelope, please?

"Did you know that the average mainstream news portal devotes more space to the oscar in a day than to climate change coverage in the entire year?"

Oscars 2024

"And the award for Best Product Placement in a Domestic or Foreign Film goes to..."

"I'd like to thank my family, but, to be honest, I'm pretty sure I could've done it without them."

Employee of the month...

'I think it's really tacky to make the salesperson of the month someone from another firm.'

'And the winner of the 'biggest loser in love' category is...'

"I'll bet Miss Parker gets teacher of the year for this."

Oscars

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"This should be interesting. . . they're giving an acting award for best political lie. . ."